You never know when someone might catch a dream from you.
Or something you say may open up the windows of a mind that seeks light
The way you live may not matter at all,
But you never know, it might.
And just in case it could be that another's life, through you,
might possibly change for the better with a better and brighter view,
it seems it might be worth a try at pointing the way to the right;
Of course, it may not matter at all, but then again, it might.

-!nversed Poignancy!

The eternal question we all carry around deep within our hearts. Love is the eternal search. Love is eternal when we find it. But do we really ever find it? When we define it, do we negate it? When we set limits on what we believe to be love do we begin to destroy it by hoping to understand or own it for ourselves? We offer it through our actions, through our gifts, through our poetry and songs, we give it with our lives. Through all of our relationships we vary our giving, often by what we hope to receive in return. But is this really love?

I recently overheard someone saying in a conversation that there is no such thing as "unconditional love". I would have to agree, although for different reasons. Love within itself is unconditional. Anything else is only an attempt to love, a learning to get us nearer to the one true knowing of love. It may be honorable, well intentioned, passionate and desiring, courageous and pure. It may be felt as temporary, but if lost easily it may not have been love at all. Love can not be corrupted, but attempts to know love can be thwarted and often fall short of what we hope love will be. This is where we learn we are human.

Love has been experienced as a life of living poetry. Love has been experienced as being the very notes of song, uplifting and generous to the wanting ear. Love has been experienced as the final act of giving one's life for another in battle. Love has been experienced as choosing to give new life to another. Love has been experienced as a devoted oneness with God. Love has been experienced as an endless passionate overflow of emotion in the arms of a waiting lover. Love is defined for us as "strong or passionate affection for a person", or "a warm liking, fond or tender feeling", or " a genuine emotion, emphasizing strength, depth, sincereness, devotion, loyalty, reverence, or passion, as for God, a man, a woman or a belief." Powerful ideas all. We know each of these definitions or ideas for ourselves. What we do with them is what makes us who we are in our lives. And what do you do with the love granted to you each day? How many times do we deny its expression from others because we fear what our own expressions will bring? Are we not denying our creator every time we deny the expression of love?

For the individuals who have experienced separation or divorce, or even the loss of a loved one to death, the separation can be the most traumatic experience we live through. The heart wrenching pain that seems to never really go away, the enormous waves that hit us daily, the times we hit the wall right after a strong and uplifting experience reminds us that we are learning. We are learning about strength, passion for our own life, about our own sincerity in our beliefs, about our loyalty to who we are, and certainly about our own genuineness. We search for that day when love will come again. We search everywhere, everyday, almost every hour. It has been said for centuries that "love is where the eyes meet with passion, for the eyes can not hide what the heart feels." So we have learned to look outward for this eternal love that will fulfill us, forgetting that it must first fill our own hearts. Perhaps that is why we fall into such pain and agony and sorrow when a love affair fails?

It is at that moment that we realize we did not fail the other person we expressed love to, but we have somehow not fulfilled ourselves once again. We combat failure with a misunderstood unfulfilled promise. We lose it, not knowing if we will ever find it again. The emotional tides lift and fall, crash and settle, then lift again. No one else, no matter how much we talk or cry, can pull us through the anxious hours of soul repair and growth. It is our own fire within that needs rekindling, guarding against the winds that would blow it out and leave us dark, cold and helpless. It is at this time we find the love that binds us together with every other being that surrounds us on the planet. Eventually we find the sun still rises to meet us in the morning and the stars continue to show us the way each night. The rivers still flow downstream into oceans that will never turn them away. The trees still reach upward every day praising the God that made them. We stand up straight and take a lesson from it all. What if you woke up one morning and realized that you were the only person left on the face of the earth? Who would you love? Why do we wait so long to start the journey that begins in the same place that it ends?

Love, in all its endlessness, unboundedness and failed definitions is this experience. And in opening up to let it go, without need of owning or even sometimes knowing its return, we open ourselves up to experiencing it more. We expand with the universe and not against it. We feel the stars for the first time. We feel the night for the first time. We feel God for the first time. Love doesn't ask why. It doesn't come. It doesn't go. It just is. It is not only in our hands, it is our hands. It isn't only in our heart, it is what makes our heart beat every beat. It wraps itself around us so securely that all we need to do to survive against all odds is to recognize it as the very breathe we just drew, and the last breathe we just let go. Love is the very Power of the Universe, every beat, every spin, every pulse, every move. And this is what you have to give.

Its been raining marriages around me over the last 7 months. Lolz, to continue to the beating started by Pooja and Padmav --> My Bro and Manni --> Doggy and Sana --> Price and Sharon --> Sherry and Flaunty --> My cuz and his girl --> Choms and R... The journey has been fascinating and absolutely awesome.. I'd previously shared a piece with my emotions painted when my Bro sold his stake to my manni; and now, to follow it up- I just want to paint an another parchment of emotions of how it feels to have you "chaddi-dost" and "best-pal" get knotted..:P..

Ever since I’ve known Chomy(Yup!, thats 18 looooooooong years now! :P), she'd always wanted to find the man of her dreams and get mar­ried. I’ve rarely met some­one with that objec­tive so clear in their mind! I remem­ber She and me watch­ing the movie "Life in a Metro" together and me telling her how much Konkona’s char­ac­ter reminded me of her.

Over the years and our 'sin­gle­hood', Chomy and I have had many dis­cus­sions on find­ing "the right one". One ques­tion she often had was how she would know for sure when he came along! How does one know, really? Much air­time has been wasted (or not) in dis­cussing the lack of good 'ones' (really, where are these lads and lasses?!) and the fact that our good years were slowly fad­ing away.

I mostly enjoyed play­ing an elder brotherly role and (in my infi­nite wis­dom!) usu­ally tried to impart, what I hope, was good advice. You will know, when you meet him, I said. Things will fall into place. When the stars align every­thing will work out! And so on and so forth. Through our heart­breaks and set­backs, I often told her that things that are des­tined to hap­pen, will hap­pen and surely they would hap­pen to her too. Very soon. "You can’t rush things", I said, they will hap­pen when the time is right. I even remember Shylaja Aunty(Chomy's Mom) took us to the some tem­ple and had gotten our futures read to assure both of us that good things were in store.:P

Over the years, despite all my out­ward reas­sur­ances, I must admit that my own belief in love and romance, the insti­tu­tion of mar­riage, in hap­pily wed­ded has received quite a knock­ing. Much as I would like to believe I have also seen so many signs to the con­trary, result­ing in cyn­i­cism creep­ing in and the rose coloured spec­ta­cles I wore when I was younger get­ting clouded. From being let down, from expec­ta­tions not being met (and what is life with­out some expec­ta­tion?) and from a lot of dis­con­nect. Do I expect too much or are peo­ple just not inter­ested? :-p

I would, of course, like to believe in love and romance, in find­ing "the one", but it’s dif­fi­cult to muster that blind faith any­more. When I was eigh­teen and starry eyed, yes. But older and wiser, as they say, and things don’t quite seem the same.

So despite it all, it gives me small plea­sure that even­tu­ally "Chomy-Dumbo" did meet the man of her dreams and now is about to tie the knot. While I watched — some­times in admi­ra­tion and some­times in fas­ci­na­tion at how fast things can move in some­one else’s life (at least com­pared to mine!), I was thrilled to see Soumya's and R's rela­tion­ship develop, mature and go straight to the altar!

I for one, am so glad that she is finally hitched. At least that way we will now be spared of her exis­ten­tial ques­tions (and mul­ti­ple smses) like, "err..bw does it happen in fairy tales..?", "Where's my man?!" and "when will I ever meet him?" and "ho!-c'mon- tell me Bags!"... These kind of ques­tions, as you can imag­ine, are quite hard to answer ;-p

Through these years, Chomy never gave up hope though. She went about her mis­sion with admirable enthu­si­asm despite the many road­blocks! I think one thing I admire her for is her sin­gle minded focus about what she wanted. And maybe that worked in the end. She did find the man and she did make every­one includ­ing her­self happy.

Mean­while, I still won­der some­times about life and love and its related com­pli­ca­tions. Infact, one thing that Padma Aunty(Poo's mom) com­plains con­stantly about the "sin­gle sta­tus" of both her daugh­ters, I jok­ingly ask her "why change what is work­ing fine?" I try and con­vince her that at least we’re happy. But I real­ize that her goal is not our hap­pi­ness, but of chang­ing our status.

I still remain unsure about mar­riage and wed­ded bliss. (Or it might be for the sim­ple rea­son that no one’s actu­ally asked :-). Have I been on my own for too long now and got­ten too used to it? What I do miss though is some­one being an intrin­sic part of my life and shar­ing and doing things together. And that is a part­ner­ship that is so much harder to achieve.

But a friend’s wed­ding always makes me happy. It’s a time for cel­e­bra­tions, for love, laugh­ter and friends to get together. And to rein­force some of those faded beliefs.

For Choms & Mr R, wish­ing both of them loads and loads of hap­pi­ness and good times together.

Chomy babe — the sin­gles club will miss you! *Hugs!* :-)

Mr. R : I’ll be there when you need a shoul­der to cry on dude:-p

You know they say time flies. They couldn’t have been more correct! It’s been almost four years and we have just another month to go. Batches have come and gone, but each batch has given the college what it rightly deserves. We are too. Placements are just one of the things. But that is not what I am talking about.

After four years, I often ask myself; what am I taking home? I don’t know how many would agree with me. But this degree is just an excuse to teach us the bigger things in life. You learn technical skills when you want to, while on work. Half of us won’t remember what we had done in these four years after 10 years. What we learnt are not technical skills but survival skills. But unfortunately, that’s no longer the case. With an effective ban on any kind of an interaction with the juniors the skill sets no longer go down the pyramid, it unfortunately goes only with us.

College life seems hard, but the fact is that we have a tougher life ahead. A life governed by your rules. You set them, or you break them too. Its clichéd to say “rules are meant to be broken”, but the fact of the matter is that if you do, you just break your own rules. Would you be willing to risk it? No one will call your parents to set matters right, no one will ask for an apology letter to be written for missing a lab. You write your own apologies, you stand up for your mistakes. It’s a wild world out there; and like I said, a degree is just an excuse to teach us to live in it.

It’s funny how aspirations change in four years. Back in first year we wanted the world. We thought of us as the best. We freaked out and had the best time of our lives. By second year we started getting used to the system. It grew on us; or rather we grew on it. Third year, we saw what great placements our seniors got and were enthused to beat them. (We did, but that’s not the point!). Fourth year, more than half the brats has a job in their hands and they know what awaits them (a smaller chunk missed out on jobs, thanks to the R word!). No more dreaming, no more fantasizing. Plain simple truth, you know where you stand in the heap of 500 students. Eventually we learn to live with them. We have to, have no other choice do we?

Ten years down the line, things that we crib about would hardly make a conversation. These are just passé. We are a great batch, and we will forever remember the good times, the bad times and the fun times. I can picture it, some days down the line we would be chatting away in the same olle gallery about the good times wishing that they would never end. Talking hours about how we made the best of what we got. The classes bunked, the night outs, the beer parties at Brigades, the road trips down the nooks and corners of Bangalore rural, the ‘acoustics’ in class…we had our share of both good and bad.

Sitting around lazing in our rooms we dream about what might be in store for us in the future. But having been in college for four years, we know it’s just a futile attempt. We can’t change who are. College either makes you breaks you. We just walk into the vast empyrean hoping for the best.

There is so much here. And we do take a good share of it. We take our friends and all the good times we shared with us. We only hope that one day we all might get together over a beer and catch up and relive those memories and rekindle the spirit of the Wonder Years at UVCE!

On the edge
What's real...what's not
Insanity hovers
Ready to devour

I can't change what I have seen
what I've done
The scars tell the story
far better than I

I can't change what I know
what I've heard
The fear engulfs
wearing me down

The hurt is real
I'm broken and torn
The memories consume
the craziness returns

The battle is on
I fight to keep control
They can't win
not again

I can't make it stop
they're in my head
All that they taught me
rages inside

Numbness takes over
that's all that's left
They're in control
I'll never be free

Watching the tainted sky,
Meandering from crimson to black.
.I decipher me.
Meandering from crimson to black,
Watching the tainted sky.

This letter was from my school teacher, Mr. Kenny..

It's a priceless gift for a student..:)

This one's for all the Baldwinians..:)

When the lights are dark,
When the moments are stark.
There has been one little nightingale amidst my life's blizzards and gale,
She's the art-director of my life's tale.
A cutey-pie that she is,
A teddy-bear,kiddy kid and also a biggie sis.
I cant but write in hindi,
But, i really want to make this trendy.
"Jaane tu ya jaane na", as they say,
She's an angel, Irritating her is my play.
Who so ever said, "Taare zameen par"..
Must have really said it looking at her..(hehe, Guess she's on Cloud 9!)
Although she's not as small as those "Taare",
She's been through my life,she's a sehr shön "pari"
An idiot,an even awful poet ,a tinge shameless-some of her synonyms
Sadly..She's my enemy,antagonist,foe and thier antonyms..
Yeah yeah, i know that this is awful, worst and et al,
This one's just for her,My little "neo-natal".
Now, why is this so very encrypted with ciphers?
Its 'cos I am trying to rhyme like hers..(hehe!).
Ok!, now the best one of the lot..
You get her name, when you try and blow the candle apart...

Ouch!
A Big Push...
...trrrrahhh...

I opened the closed portal..
Closed it was..a long time ago..

No soul seemed to dwell there
Abandoned it was by the passage of time.

A Cream of dust covered all the cabinets .
The anarchic's had settled down
This old, was her new..

Her canvases covered
With roofs and walls
As a tapestry
Light and transparent.

The plants were killed
The aroma of mold flooded all over.

..Suddenly..
--Swish!!--
Was that a wandering ghost that passed by??
When the light was squarely in the dark stays.
Darn!
I guess it was my imagination
May be I played a bad pass.

There was no life,
Only the sound of wind had survived
In these moments of solitude and sadness,
Carried by a sentimental impulse,
Until desire of some ghost materialize
Not a soul to talk with me!

..Plrnrrrr..

I closed the door trap
And left abroad.
There was darkeness, a sheer one
And then a complete silence reigned,

Almost sepulchral.
The wind had stopped
The birds no longer chirped.
I felt cold.
The vicinity sounded bells marking the hour of twilight.

A shadow crossed my path,
Floated and blended among the trees.
A sense of unreality gripped me.

And then I realized
That,
I too was a shadow and floated.
And Nobody saw me.
There.
.
.

.
.
Oblivion
Have I forgotten. ?
Darn!
"I always forget!"

I Cavil within,
Murmuring and frittering..

But,
Know not how..

Despite my forgetfulness,
..She outbreaks...
.
.

Friendship is a key that allows you to enter the hearts of others.
It is not a normal occurrence,
It simply happens, so very spontaneously.
Has no boundaries,
or makes you wait,
is rather a simple form of love, why?
Because friendship simply takes you to know unknown locations with a special person.
He teaches you to appreciate the virtues and flaws of others.
That person gives you advice and you spoke with sincerity,
you must never lie and you always have to forgive.
So friendship is simply love.
So I offer you my own and would like to never lose yours,
because you're the true meaning of our friendship.

Friendship is a matter thats very relative. I don't think there is a person who might be completely true, nor sincere, because after all we are human beings, and the personal interests take precedence over any relationship. I think the only emotional bond that really is completely loyal and unselfish is that of a "hypothetical friend". I have a "friend", well, if you could call it that, somehow I have to do so since life's still attending, the fact is that we knew for X years, we were close(very close?, eh..Dont know!) knew all our secrets, good and ill, we were going everywhere together. When I was 18, we ended !
There's more to it than just a "jet lag" , but we never forget, we again see years later..

Ah!, then one fine day..we were about to return!..Cos my friend moved to the city where I was.
I even gave her the silliest of telephones..
The end?
We returned to see us!!!..and the treat began.. (us) as (we) relate with the same friends..
But never did we re-turn to be the same.

With no volvi to never speak of it, and how many times I've seen has been accompanied by our respective 'ours'..,
The truth was that the only way that achieves forget completely, is when they no longer feel anything for the other.

The intensely blue night
On a ludicrous laughter
Along the lines of lucent's calm blink
Thats shedding its darkness on the lonely moon's twink.

In the balcony,
An open blast of chilled ethers
Peeping into my dark room
Overwhelming its prodigy from the constellations of heavens..

The blue-black sky as calm as ever,
Spreading its bosom over the dawn of the moon
Now,acting as the arbitrator..
Between lights laughter and the darks play..

The breeze is fresh
Permeated by redolence.
The flowers too, begins its shadow practices
Trying to over par the breeze with its fragrances heavenly..

Sigh!
It had me all for tears
I really dont know what's happening in me

An infinite peace on the soul?
Or is it a dream that ruining my peepers foul?

Bedazzled I lie..
On my fourpostered berth
Quibbling between a reality and a dream..